This past week has been interesting and thought provoking. With the death of my grandfather on Tuesday and then friday being the 4th anniversary of my brothers death, my mom and I got talking one evening and it was mentioned how one of my Aunts was having a difficult time with my granfathers death and it got me thinking about the whole grieving process. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. We each go through the this process so differently.
Back when I was going through my EMT-Basic class they told us that there were 2 types of calls that were the worst to go on. The first was when it involved a child, the second when it involved a co-worker. When I was going through my EMT-Intermediate, I was able to go out with the ambulance as a student rider. My first major trauma was an 8 yr old girl who passed away. Though I didn't get to get in and help much at all(due to being a student rider) it was hard. Everyone was telling me to go to the CISD(Critical Incident Stress Debriefing). I went and everyone from the EMT/Paramedics to the nurses involved with this call was able to talk about who they were, what their role was in the call, and how they felt. It did help. Fast forward about 5 years to when I was working with the Volunteer Fire Department at home. One evening we get a call for someone that was non responsive. I responded not realizing/knowing that it was a co-workers home. The thing that hit me the hardest was among the events and quick conversation was when the father of the co-worker said "Jaimi do what you need to do he's already gone." It felt like someone had taken a balled up iron fist and punched me in the stomach. It took everything I had not to double up, through up, and not cry.
With the first call I went through the Depression and Acceptance steps. With the second it was the Anger(and guilt of not knowing that it was the co-workers house till that particular point) and then finally a year later was I was finally able to accept what had happened and let it go. With the second situation, I had gone to the debriefing as well that they held for that but in this case it hadn't helped me.
Everyone has their own way of going through the grief process. Does everyone go through all five steps of the process? No. Does the process only take 1-3 months? No. Everybody is different. We each have our unique way of going through the process and each scenario is different. With my Grandpa Hunt it was sad. I felt somewhat upset that my parents didn't call me at work to tell me of his passing. Then a few weeks later my dad and I were talking and he had mentioned that Heavenly Father knew that 9/11 was going to happen and He probably needed my Grandpa to help welcome in all those that were killed that day(Grandpa had passed and his funeral was on 9/11). When Grandma Hunt passed I had been asked to go work a wildland fire as a line EMT. Just before getting to the location of the fire(with no cell recption) I found out that Grandma had passed. What helped me accept that was the fact that as I got thinking about it, I had been living with Grandma and had I been there when she passed, would I have started CPR or something like that? Heavenly Father knew that I would have most likely done and made it so I was away so Grandma could pass peacefully.
Each scenario is different. Each time the grieving process may or may not be the same. Each person is different. Heavenly Father knows us. What we need to get through these times. I am grateful for the people he puts in our lives to help us with this. He understands the pain and the saddness. I am gratefull that I know that I will get to see my grandparents and my brother again. I'm grateful that they still get to be a part of my life in the little things that they do to help remind me that they are still their. I'm grateful for the peace the gospel brings and that my Heavenly Father knows me and what I need when I need it.
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