Denzel

There are times that I so wish I could put my feelings down on paper or just in writing.  Yesterday marked 3 years since Denzel passed away.   I wanted to write something to express how I was feeling but I couldn't think of anything and kept thinking that what everybody else was saying said how I felt so much better.  I had to ask why.  Why couldn't I think of anything to say/write.    Denzel was an amazing part of my life.  Of course we fought and disagreed like all siblings do. But he was the best big brother anyone could have asked for.  He watched out for me.  Took care of guys who were treating me like crap or wouldn't leave me alone or whatever.  He let me crash at his place while attending an EMS confrence.  We'd talk on the phone.  He always got his two cents worth in whether you wanted it or not.  3 years later, he's still doing that.  But its more of a 'Hey I'm still here. I'm still watching out for you.' kind of thing.   The other day my mom posted a silly video of her, Amelia, and Natalee in the pioneer trek clothes.  Erika posted that they needed to do it again when she and Dal were down the next time.  I texted her saying how funny it would be if it was all four women and Dal doing the video.  As we were texted back and forth briefly, I just have the image of Denzel sitting there laughing his head off and thinking "This is so something Denzel would come up as something fun to do."  I told Erika that I had to be the voice for Denzel on somthing, lol.  It truely is wonderful what we are allowed to see, feel, or hear from our loved ones that have passed on.  And it definately comes when we need it NOT when we necesarilly want it.